Required Reading. For a laugh. I am probably one of the most awkward people on the face of the planet when it comes to flirting interactions. Of course, the fact that 90% of the time I am entirely unaware that flirting is occurring likely does not help my case. This, plus a recent situation involving my friend being unable to figure out how to respond to “you have lovely eyes”, mean that “How To Respond When You Suspect Someone Is Flirting” by Mallory Ortberg seriously delights me. I’m probably just going to memorize this list for future use.
“Thank you for your time and for your goodwill.”
“I am happy to either confirm or deny your question.”
“Sincerely, [your full name here].”
“I look forward to remembering this conversation later.”
“I have, as do you, eyes.”
“You seem to like the other people here, and I can’t distinguish your enthusiasm for them from your enthusiasm for this conversation. That’s not a criticism.”
“Are you cheerfully enduring this interaction, or a willing participant? I can’t distinguish good humor from genuine interest. Give me a sign.”